Saturday, October 26, 2013

What I’ve Learned About Relationships on Road Trips

You can tell a lot about a relationship between husband and wife by watching how they interact while taking a road trip. Here is a common scenario: Husband is driving and wife is along for the ride. Husband is a little too close to a merging car for the wife’s comfort. Wife tenses up and grips whatever she can on the passenger side of the car and says, “You’re making me nervous! Can you slow down?!” The husband responds in one of two ways.

1. “Oh, I wasn’t even that close! I saw them!” He basically wants her to just shut up (he think this equals respect) and trust him (he thinks her trust in him isn’t earned).

2. “Oh sorry hun. I saw them, but I’ll stay back a bit more.” He then willingly gives more space between him and the merging car. He continues in the future to be mindful of her sensitivity with other vehicles and keeps a bigger distance.

Number One Scenario:
When riding passenger we have zero control and the ideal is to be able to trust the driver’s discretion. However, the first response invalidates the fear that grips his wife’s heart and body. She’s now learned that the only way she can feel protected is to, from now on, be controlling when he’s behind the wheel. She becomes the worst backseat driver any poor schmuck would hate to accompany him on a ride. She criticizes his every move and decision on the road. She never trusts his instincts or his sense of direction. Why? Not because she is a relentless nag or controlling beotch. It’s because she now feels it is her responsibility lead and protect herself.

This really annoys the man and he becomes indignant every time. The situation compounds and we see it replaying in the car nearly every time the two are together. The man feels disrespected and the woman feels no trust or respect for her man. They are both exhausted and angry by the time they arrive at their destination.

These feelings of offense will most likely play out in every other area of their relationship. This is because the car ride is just an example of the dynamic between the two: the manner in which they operate in the polar energies of masculine and feminine.

Number Two Scenario:
The way the number two response plays out, nips the previous scenario in the bud. The husband responds with concern and does not take her fear personally. He honors her feelings regardless of the fact that he was completely aware of this merging car and had the entire situation under control. 

As he grasps her hand that is tightly clutched to the center console, he says, “Oh, I’m sorry. I saw them but I’ll give cars more room next time if that makes you feel safer.” The woman can completely relax now. She breathes a sigh of relief knowing that she is acknowledged and that her man has her need for safety and protection as his top priority. 

He doesn't make it about his ego. He simply cares to make her feel safe. And believe me, when a woman feels safe with her man, there will be no shortage of her stroking his ego! When this becomes the norm, from here on out, she will most likely not even notice what he is doing over there behind the wheel. She now trusts him implicitly: just as a babe trusts her mother’s protection. She respects him as a man because he has embodied and demonstrated his highest calling, which is to protect his wife.

It is an intricate dance between the masculinity and femininity of husband and wife. And when it’s in balance it’s the most delicious form of interaction between two people.

If a man is out of balance he will think he should be respected simply because he is man. He won’t understand that his respect from woman is earned by the way in which he upholds his duty as a man. His duty is to make woman feel safe and protected; even on a car ride.

Whether men realize it or not they are woman’s leader. They were created as such. If he thinks that a woman should respect him regardless of his neglect to uphold his duty he will distort the natural order. Chaos will break out in the form of strife, resentment, disloyalty, dishonor, etc. 

This leadership responsibility placed on man is massive and I can imagine how heavy that must be at times. To whom much is given, much is to be expected. But if man masters his duty he is given the greatest gift he could dream of: Woman. In all of her glory and entirety, she is created to submit and be his helper. He will gain the respect, honor, and heart of his woman.

He will feel like he has died and gone to heaven. She finds it her greatest joy to serve her man. Her satisfaction will be contingent on man receiving the help he needs from her. She will joyfully submit to his decisions and respect his instincts. She will follow her man literally ANYWHERE. He will receive the adoration he longs for. He will be king of her heart. She will fiercely protect his honor and reputation. She will count it all joy to submit to her balanced man, regardless of his flaws. And of course, she will trust him when he’s in the driver’s seat.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Want To Avoid Drama?

Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. 24 And the Lord's servant[e] must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, 25 correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth,

This is why I now stay out of talks (unless with close, trusted friends/family) that have little value other than the spewing of personal opinions/beliefs/convictions. It seems peaceful when I believe what I want and act accordingly to those beliefs, letting others do the same. I've learned this from having dramatic moments with others which proved to be not only stressful but hurtful to myself and others.

If you experience drama or strife, it's most likely because you are putting yourself right in the center of it, stirring the proverbial shit. We are never really a victim in these situations, we are seeking it out. Why do we seek this out? Most likely because it gives some relief/outlet of suppressed emotional issues that we'd rather not deal with.

Get down the the nitty gritty of what's really bothering you inside, because it's not the surface, trivial things you are fighting about.

Spread peace and love,

In the words of a mother