Wednesday, February 29, 2012

10 Hints That Say You Aren't Being True To Yourself

Do you know who you are? Are you comfortable with who you are?  When we aren’t being true to ourselves, stress ensues. We get pissy, irritable, cranky, and downright unpleasant. This is because we have a deep disconnect within ourselves. We feel that nothing in life is right or works out how we want it to. We feel like no one understands us. We feel alone.  It truly makes life so much harder than it needs to be. Take authority over yourself and be true to YOU. It doesn’t matter if you fit it or don’t fit in. You will be a happy, effective person in the world. Your light will shine and this is what speaks louder than any megaphone you can scream into!

10 Hints That Say You Aren't Being True To Yourself:

1.       Going through many phases in life
This is reminiscent of my high school years. Ugh! I didn’t have a clue who or what I wanted to be. There’s the drug phase, punk-rock phase, country phase, ghetto phase, party phase, sports phase, bad-girl phase, goodie two shoes phase, goth phase, preppy phase, glamour phase, etc. I didn’t go through all of these phases but you name it, most people have experienced pretending to be something they’re not. If you find yourself dressing or acting a certain way to “fit the part” of whatever charade you are pulling off this month, chances are you’re lost. Drop the act and spend some real time soul- searching to find out who you really are and become that.

2.       Morphing into some other version of a person to win over the guy/gal you like
Do you like the cowboy? Do you all of the sudden listen to country music, wear cowboy boots, and drive a big truck? Meanwhile, you hate dirt, being outside, farm animals, and have the dinstinct urge to punch the nearest person in the face when listening to Garth Brooks. Maybe you like the gal that’s super smart and she’s at the top of her game in academics. She’s a cute, little bookworm. You try to impress her by borrowing a copy of Earnest Hemmingway’s, The Snows of Kilimanjaro from the public library yet you have never turned a page in your life. Give it up. Find what it is you really like, become proficient, and impress your crush that way.
3.       Lying about what you spend your time doing
Do you tell people you just got done making the best dinner of your lifetime and your husband raved but it was nothing more than a grilled cheese with a side of chips? Perhaps you sliced a pickle into the shape of a fan. Maybe you deserve some credit for that. ;) If you exaggerate your accomplishments people will catch on. They pick up on this because they start to realize that no one is tooting your horn louder than you. Be honest with your successes and failures. A good rule of thumb, be modest and let someone else sing your praises.

4.       Copying off of a friend that you think is really cool
Okay, this doesn’t make you cool and it’s a surefire way to annoy the crap out of your friend. It’s one thing if you genuinely have similar interests, styles, and pursuits, but it’s quite another to have absolutely no individuality. Being a copy cat is desperate. Soon enough everyone will be able to tell who the cool friend is and who the desperate friend is. Oh how I feel sorry for the desperate friends. Same rule as number two. Find what you really like and become proficient. If worse comes to worse and you’re not sure what you like, at least don’t buy the same sunglasses as your friend or pick up all the same hobbies. I would rather error on the side of coming across as having no style before seeming desperate.

5.       Changing your manner of speech depending on who you are talking to
This one is tricky. Of course you’re not going to cuss like a sailor in front of your mother-in-law or the super conservatives, but you don’t need to pretend to be Susie sunshine if you’re really sarcastic Sally. You don’t need to cuss like a sailor just because you are on a ship full of sailors either though. You see, it works both ways. Of course you will discuss different topics with different kinds of people. Sure, you’re going to be more sensitive with the crybaby of the circle of friends. That is called being smart. Just make sure you aren’t talking with a southern accent just because you are visiting the south. Don’t talk like a black girl if you were raised in a small white town. It just shows the world that you are confused and don’t have a clue who or what your roots are. Just be you.

6.       Social climbing
This one can be spot from a mile off. Sometimes this one encompasses all of the other 9 examples. Social climbers are fake, fake, fake! They are quick to tell anyone who’ll listen how much their watch or purse cost, what expensive vacation they are planning, what prestigious school they went to, what celebrity or cool chick/dude they know. They’ll pretend to be on some higher level when really they came from humble beginnings. Trying so hard to be in the “in crowd” or being popular reads desperate just like #5. Give it up! Even if you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, you still need to realize that no one is above or better than anyone else.

7.       Relying on others to make decisions for you
If you can’t be the leader of your own life than you most likely don’t know what it is you like and dislike. Depending on everyone else to get the ball rolling or make the plans is a clear indicator that you are not in control of your own life but are merely along for someone else’s ride.  Sure, it’s nice to take a break from being the head honcho and let others figure it all out, but I’m talking about doing things just because someone else is. You may not even enjoy shopping at the flea market but you pretend it’s your favorite thing in the world if your friend loves it. Let your friend find someone else to go with if it makes you that miserable. Now if you are doing her a favor so she’s not alone then more power to you. At least you’ll know that is your reason for being at the darn flea market.

8.       Having the excessive need for attention and approval of others
Little zaps my energy more than being around someone who is relentless at sucking all the fluidity out of relationships by making every single moment about themselves. These people are leeches. They tend to talk a mile a minute and don’t stop long enough for anyone to get a word in edgewise. They need everyone around them to praise them for everything that’s great and cute about them. These blood suckers are hard to get away from too because they hardly give you a chance to say, “gotta run!” They don’t care what’s going on in your life. They don’t want to hear about what you have been working on or have accomplished. It’s ALL ABOUT THEM! If you are this person, it’s hard for you to be aware of it because you don’t care enough to pay attention to people’s body language. You don’t stop long enough to listen. Here are some clues. Do you call your friends on the phone and rarely get an answer? Do you ask to hang out with your friend and they are always busy? Do people tell you that you talk too much? Do people seem engaged when you speak or are they just being polite? Think about it. Stop. Pay attention.

9.       Trying too hard to conform
Fitting in with the crowd is not the worst thing that could happen. After all, they are probably the majority for a reason. However, fitting in just to fit in is not conducive to evolving yourself. If you fit in with everyone else because you are just the average, everyday, run of the mill Joe Schmoe, fine. No harm or fault in that. Just be sure you stop long enough to do some individual thinking on why you do what do, want what you want, and like what you like.

10.   Trying too hard to be different
Being genuinely different is a beautiful thing. Knowing why you don’t agree with the crowd and having a valid basis to back up your views is awesome even. However, being non-conformist just for the sake of being different is just as silly as #9. You all know the type. They disagree with everyone they know. They are argumentative. They have outlandish ideas and thought processes just so they can portray to the world that they are unique. They will do things against the grain just to be opposite of the crowd. Everyone is sitting in a chair; they’ll be standing. Everyone is having a good time; they’ll be bored. Everyone is bored; they’re having the time of their life. I think that most people like this just have an obsession with being the center of attention. They think that their value lies in everyone’s eyes being on them and wondering why they are different. Meanwhile, there is no real depth to the reason why they are different; they just want to do the opposite of everyone else so that others see them as special. Do the same thing as #9 if you fall into this category. Do some actual critical thinking to form a basis for your unusual stances.


A little word of encouragement if you feel lost and are not in the place you would like to be. Don't heap coals of fire on your head if one or more of these hints applies to you. They are simply red flags that say, hey! Stop doing this and instead do this. All of these hints are actually just stepping stones that will eventually get you to the place of being exactly who you want to be and loving every bit of it! All of our façades that we portray to the world might fool some but they aren't fooling everyone. You may even get away with fooling yourself for awhile but soon enough you'll have to work on figuring it all out. It's all about soul searching. And I'm here to tell you that you can and you will figure it out! You are loved, you are perfectly made, and as my sister always tells me - you are exactly where you are supposed to be at this point in time!

Be true to YOU,
In the words of a mother


  1. UD does a lot of these...bothers me the most when he does #5 for some reason...he is very much a people person/people pleaser but I am guilty of some of these too! Good post!

    1. Yes #5 really bothers me too! I am so guilty of some of these at times too. I annoy myself! haha. And thankyou!

    2. I do 3,5& 7. I know I'm lost but don't even know where to start. I'm so lost I'm lost about being lost! I am considered unique and non-conformist without trying at least. I have those good things going for me. I'll do what I want when I know what I want. It's just with lost people they may be the most adventurous and independent person- but because they don't have an answer yet they look to other people until they find their own. Whenever I am passionate about something I just do it no matter what others say. Sadly most of the time I'm unsure and lack passion and intuition on everything. It's so frustrating. I just don't know what to do.

    3. I completely understand. I was like this in most of my youth. I think you hit the nail on the head about the most adventurous and independent people are lost until they find their own answer. It's natural to look to others if we haven't found it ourselves yet.

      For me, I also have sooo many interests, when I have difficulty narrowing it down I feel lost. I think for people like us, honing who we truly are comes with experience and age. We have to try everything once to figure out where we belong. I've learned that I'm just a multi-passionate, dynamic sort of person so that's what I'm running with! hehe :)

  2. Hi Amber,

    Thank you for replying! It is certainly frustrating for me to be dependent on others while I am lost. I am certainly not that person deep down. My sense of creativity and desire to try new things as you say point to someone who is adventurous. Just currently clueless and experiencing alot of anxiety, searching for answers and none come.

    It does become a vicious cycle being a jack of all trades, master of none.

    Number 3 I've been doing due to unemployment. I have all sorts of fake jobs when put on the stop to uphold some dignity. :-) I'm always in a rush to a fake appointment. My friends call I say it's my boss! I just don't think being unemployed is average Joes' business unless I'm close to someone I don't want them to know.

    And number 5... Think Idiocracy. Sometimes you just have to dumb things down. :-)

    Thanks again for the reply.

    1. Yep, it can be frustrating. Head up! You'll figure it all out in time. I try to spend each day doing more of what I want to be doing and less time doing what I don't want to be doing. That helps me. :) And of course, you're welcome for the response. Your input is much appreciated as well!

  3. Hi Amber, nice article. However, #5 "talk like a black girl" Hmm? What exactly does a black girl talk like? That's a rather typical stereotype don't you think? I actually think it to be very IGNORANT! Maybe you should add a #11 DO RESEARCH/THINK/PROOFREAD/BE CONSIDERATE before posting another IGNORANT comment.

    1. Please accept my apologies Veronica. My intention is not to stereotype anyone or offend. I hope you can understand the spirit of what I was saying which is: don't try to be someone you are not by mimicking others, be and love YOU. I don't feel it was inconsiderate but rather a statement of common observance. I didn't think specifics were needed since other examples were given about being in the south or with sailors. Obviously not all southern people or sailors talk the same either. I wonder why you didn't take offense to those.

      Regardless, just to clear up the misunderstanding, I don't believe all black girls sound the same. Obviously some are from London, Africa, Australia, west coast, east coast, etc. However, I do believe that here in the States (for the most part) they have their own culture and included in that is a manner of speech across the entire country. I think it's quite intriguing actually. I find it to be similar to people of the south or people living further north. They have certain cultural aspects and manners of speech. Hope this helps clear up any offense. Take care. :)