What I’ve Learned About Relationships on Road Trips

You can tell a lot about a relationship between husband and wife by watching how they interact while taking a road trip. Here is a common scenario: Husband is driving and wife is along for the ride. Husband is a little too close to a merging car for the wife’s comfort. Wife tenses up and grips whatever she can on the passenger side of the car and says, “You’re making me nervous! Can you slow down?!” The husband responds in one of two ways.

1. “Oh, I wasn’t even that close! I saw them!” He basically wants her to just shut up (he think this equals respect) and trust him (he thinks her trust in him isn’t earned).

2. “Oh sorry hun. I saw them, but I’ll stay back a bit more.” He then willingly gives more space between him and the merging car. He continues in the future to be mindful of her sensitivity with other vehicles and keeps a bigger distance.

Number One Scenario:

When riding passenger we have zero control and the ideal is to be able to trust the driver’s discretion. However, the first response invalidates the fear that grips his wife’s heart and body. She’s now learned that the only way she can feel protected is to, from now on, be controlling when he’s behind the wheel. She becomes the worst backseat driver any poor schmuck would hate to accompany him on a ride. She criticizes his every move and decision on the road. She never trusts his instincts or his sense of direction. Why? Not because she is a relentless nag or controlling beotch. It’s because she now feels it is her responsibility lead and protect herself.

This really annoys the man and he becomes indignant every time. The situation compounds and we see it replaying in the car nearly every time the two are together. The man feels disrespected and the woman feels no trust or respect for her man. They are both exhausted and angry by the time they arrive at their destination.

These feelings of offense will most likely play out in every other area of their relationship. This is because the car ride is just an example of the dynamic between the two: the manner in which they operate in the polar energies of masculine and feminine.

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Number Two Scenario:

The way the number two response plays out, nips the previous scenario in the bud. The husband responds with concern and does not take her fear personally. He honors her feelings regardless of the fact that he was completely aware of this merging car and had the entire situation under control. 

As he grasps her hand that is tightly clutched to the center console, he says, “Oh, I’m sorry. I saw them but I’ll give cars more room next time if that makes you feel safer.” The woman can completely relax now. She breathes a sigh of relief knowing that she is acknowledged and that her man has her need for safety and protection as his top priority. 

He doesn't make it about his ego. He simply cares to make her feel safe. And believe me, when a woman feels safe with her man, there will be no shortage of her stroking his ego! When this becomes the norm, from here on out, she will most likely not even notice what he is doing over there behind the wheel. She now trusts him implicitly: just as a babe trusts her mother’s protection. She respects him as a man because he has embodied and demonstrated his highest calling, which is to protect his wife.

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It is an intricate dance between the masculinity and femininity of husband and wife. And when it’s in balance it’s the most delicious form of interaction between two people.

If a man is out of balance he will think he should be respected simply because he is man. He won’t understand that his respect from woman is earned by the way in which he upholds his duty as a man. His duty is to make woman feel safe and protected; even on a car ride.

Whether men realize it or not they are woman’s leader. They were created as such. If he thinks that a woman should respect him regardless of his neglect to uphold his duty he will distort the natural order. Chaos will break out in the form of strife, resentment, disloyalty, dishonor, etc. 

This leadership responsibility placed on man is massive and I can imagine how heavy that must be at times. To whom much is given, much is to be expected. But if man masters his duty he is given the greatest gift he could dream of: Woman. In all of her glory and entirety, she is created to submit and be his helper. He will gain the respect, honor, and heart of his woman.

He will feel like he has died and gone to heaven. She finds it her greatest joy to serve her man. Her satisfaction will be contingent on man receiving the help he needs from her. She will joyfully submit to his decisions and respect his instincts. She will follow her man literally ANYWHERE. He will receive the adoration he longs for. He will be king of her heart. She will fiercely protect his honor and reputation. She will count it all joy to submit to her balanced man, regardless of his flaws. And of course, she will trust him when he’s in the driver’s seat.

Want To Avoid Drama?

2 Timothy 2:23-25

3 Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. 24 And the Lord's servant[e] must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, 25 correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth,

This is why I now stay out of talks (unless with close, trusted friends/family) that have little value other than the spewing of personal opinions/beliefs/convictions. It seems peaceful when I believe what I want and act accordingly to those beliefs, letting others do the same. I've learned this from having dramatic moments with others which proved to be not only stressful but hurtful to myself and others.

If you experience drama or strife, it's most likely because you are putting yourself right in the center of it, stirring the proverbial shit. We are never really a victim in these situations, we are seeking it out. Why do we seek this out? Most likely because it gives some relief/outlet of suppressed emotional issues that we'd rather not deal with.

Get down the the nitty gritty of what's really bothering you inside, because it's not the surface, trivial things you are fighting about.

Spread peace and love,

In the words of a mother

Getting What You Want Out of Life

Today I’ve come into a new place of understanding; a paradigm shift in my way of thinking and relating to the world around me. I’ve had sort of a quantum leap, so to speak, in consciousness. Today I realized that all I need to be completely and utterly happy already lies right down deep within me. I’ve always known this but now I will live this. My outside and surrounding circumstances are just a manifestation of what I’ve been focusing on internally. Sometimes we focus on the negative and get more of it. We see a problem and instead of focusing on what we truly want we get caught up in the circumstance of whatever negative thing we are enduring. This actually causes a negative perpetual cycle.  

If we take time, conscience time, to meditate on what it is we truly desire in this life you can be sure that God will bring that right to you in his perfect timing. You can take that to the bank! This is because what we desire will evoke certain emotions and thoughts. Our mind and soul are extremely powerful, sending out vibrations into the universe to attract just what it is we desire. I'll talk about a few examples of desire in the following paragraphs of areas in life that sometimes seem like the biggies.

Mama Needs a J-O-B

Say you are stuck at home in what seems like an endless job search and none of the right opportunities seem to knock at your door. What are you really focusing on? Is it your lack of money? Is it your unhappiness and discontent at a current job? Is it desperation to get out of a particular situation that makes you feel financially dependent on someone else? If so, you can be sure that the perfect job is not going to be offered to you. Instead, try focusing on exactly what you want, not why you want it. Don’t even worry about how you’ll get it, and when you’ll get it.

One little thing that I've realized lately is that I was getting job offers but they weren't the 'right' ones. This is because I had my mind made up that I needed a job but it was coming out of a place of desperation rather than patience and trusting in God. This manifested jobs, but not the perfect one. I'll let you know when I land the perfect job which I can guarantee will be soon as I am honing in on the exact frequency of my desires. For instance, I want to be financially independent. I want to be able to spend a decent amount of time with my daughter and keep things stable for her when I return to work. I want to be able to provide for my daughter the things she needs. I want to enjoy my work. I want to feel productive in society. I want to be able to afford to travel. These are a few fine tuned wants that directly link me to my ability to get the perfect job/means of income to realize my desires. 

Meditate on the perfect job and be grateful that the position for you is already available. The timing of it is not your concern. The universe will take care of that. Shoot, you really don't even need to concern yourself about the location, pay, duties, and hours because the 'perfect' job will line up with exactly what you need/want in every way. It could even come to you by way of a million dollar idea or invention. You just never know and the details don't matter. Just be open to and focus on the perfect opportunity. Relax in the knowledge that it is already available to you. You'll be able to reach out and grab it at exactly the right time.

That Thing Called Love

Similarly, take a look at your love life. Are you constantly focusing on your needs not being met, your partner’s idiosyncrasies that drive you crazy, your lack of connection, and your discontentment? Perhaps you are focusing on being lonely and you're so desperate for someone great to come along and make you happy. Maybe you are even fixated on one particular individual being the sole source of everything that can fulfill you. If so, guess what? You’ll be getting more and more of the negative, loneliness, and you'll be blocking doors that could otherwise be opened if you simply opened your heart. That’s another reality that you can take to the bank. Instead focus on what it is that you truly want. If you don’t have clarity on this, ask God to give you clarity. Meditate on wanting clarity for however long it takes. It will come, trust me. For me, it only took a matter of a couple weeks! It might be only days for you.

When you get the clarity you need, focus on what you want day and night as you have the time to really spotlight those desires. Do you want deep connection, unwavering, mutual respect, intelligent and engaging conversation, unabashed honesty, and unfathomable, mutual love among other things? The more you hone in your center of attention on these things the faster and more powerful it will be delivered to you. And take note of this: it may not be with your current partner. Likewise, it very well may be. That is not your concern. The who, when, and how are all the little details that are in God’s hands. And let’s be real, doesn’t that make life so much easier? It’s a load off when we allow the creator of the universe to handle what is his job to handle and guess what, he enjoys giving you the desires of your heart!

When you get down to the nitty gritty of what you honestly want, you will find that it is always in perfect alignment with the will of God. This is why it is written in Psalms 37:4, “delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” When you go to that calm, quiet place of thinking on what you truly want, doesn’t it feel like such a delight in the Lord? To me it does and none of the details make a bit of difference. I will reiterate, it’s not about thinking of who you want, or when it’s going to come, and how it comes, it’s only about what you want i.e. the desires of your heart. A person in particular may seem like a desire of your heart, but they can’t be because a person cannot fulfill you. It may seem like so, and a person can match up to you and be the tool that God uses to deliver the desires of your heart, but regardless, if you focus on what you want, a statue could give it to you if God so wanted to use a statue!

Have you ever been intensely, emotionally moved by something that may seem to others as a minuscule moment? I have. Sometimes it’s just when I take the first bite of a delicious meal. I’m overcome with sensory pleasure and feel truly grateful to have the blessing of such a cuisine. God can use anything and everything to reach you on a cavernous level. Believe me, God will deliver who, when, and how he deems fit and it will be beyond your wildest dreams in the love department!

Check out this guy being profoundly, spiritually, and emotionally moved by something others may deem just a blasé experience. It’s comical in parts but it’s so cool how affected he was by such a moment.

Everyone Wants To Be in Good Health

Let’s look at another area of life that people get hung up on, health. Now this is a biggie and so many people don’t realize the power they have over their own health. So many factors play into what makes a person healthy or unhealthy. What we eat, what we think about, how stressed we are, habits we indulge in, habits we probably should indulge in but don’t, toxins, etc.

If you are already in poor health i.e. cancer, arthritis, anxiety problems, depression, overweight, underweight, auto-immune disease it can seem quite daunting and overwhelming to get back to good health. The good news is, we don’t have to worry about who will heal us, how will something cure us, and when this will happen. All we have to focus on is what we want and that is to be in excellent health. Now this may or may not happen overnight but again that’s the when and it doesn’t matter.

You want to be healthy, speak it out. Meditate day and night on yourself being a healthy individual. Fine tune those desires by honing in on what kinds of activities you want to be able to enjoy. This is when visualization comes in handy. Before you know it, God will lead you to the who, how, and when to walk in perfect health in his perfect divinity. God may show you that you need to make some adjustments to the foods you eat, or you need to get out of a stressful situation, or you need to detox, or perhaps all of the above or none of the above. You will be inspired to act and by golly when that inspiration comes (I like to call it the gumption of the Holy Ghost) GO FOR IT! God isn’t going to do it for you but he will lay out the path for you and help you along the way.

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It’s no joke that prayer works and faith can move mountains. Because all the prayers you send to the big man upstairs are nothing more than you focusing on what you want and guess what, everything you need to overcome and come out on top of every, and I do mean every, situation in your life already lies right inside of you. The power of the universe, the kingdom of God is already within you. For real dog. Everything you could possibly ever want or need is already available to you. And you will start manifesting all of those things into your reality when you get clear on what you want and hone in on it.

Go on and try it. I am manifesting thousands of dollars, true love, and a job right now by simply focusing on what I want. Keep this in mind; your motives must be pure and true to the essence of who you really are. They have to come from your authentic self. If you just want a thousand dollars because you need it to feel good about yourself, chances are that money ain’t coming to you honey. However if you want the money because it will aide you along your path to true enlightenment and open doors that need to be opened to reach a goal that is essential to the inner being of what you truly desire then yeah baby! It’s already on its way!

Leaps in understanding and consciousness are simply amazing. What a ride! I like to refer to these moments as epiphanies. That moment when everything inside of you clicks and a giant DUUHHHH! is hanging overhead. I always feel like shouting it to the world as the passionate truth builds inside of me and causes a burst at the seams. Fun fun!

What are you focusing on manifesting at the moment?

Submit, Trust, and Release

My destiny is the ocean.

The ocean is where true happiness and joy abound.

It is where God celebrates and blesses those that had the audacity to jump off the edge into the unknown and overcome their fears.

It is where heaven can be experienced right here in this life.

It is where complete fluidity, freedom, and peace thrive.

Like water, I will cut through rocks if I have to in order to get where God wants me to be. 

If I pay close enough attention, I find that is where I truly have wanted to be all along.

I imagine myself immersed so wholly in the water.

It’s not depth I’m reaching for, but to be a part of the water itself.

I am one with the water.

I am flowing around rocks and logs in the streams, making my way to bigger waters.

I am cascading freely and fiercely down over the waterfalls, unabashedly diving toward my destiny.

I slow down and rest when the way becomes congested but I never stop persevering to get to where I know I’m going.

I rush rapidly down the mountain rivers in haste with excitement and anticipation to get to where I know I belong.

When I’m in a dry season and the heat evaporates me I wait patiently for the clouds to release me and I fearlessly lunge toward my destination once again.

Sometimes when the ground becomes too crowded with water, I seep down deep into the earth yet surely carry on my travels to find my objective.

I make a way to get where I’m going and carve the path out behind me for others to follow.

I enjoy my journey as I flow, rush, squeeze, trickle, drip, dash, and crash along the way.

Yet I am never injured.

I am stronger than any force on the planet.

I am always on my way, travelling in the direction to the place where providence resides.

My fate is sealed when I am a part of the water.

If I step out of the water I’m lost and doomed, only to go at this thing called life alone.

I can walk toward bigger waters and eventually get there but how many obstacles and how hard the trek would be.

I may die from grief or wounds on the way and never reach my goal.

I could get turned around and head in the wrong direction completely.

No. I will stay one with the water, which is God’s perfect will.